My School, My University… My Pollie?

After the success of My School, Julia Gillard has decided to create My University, a website that will provide similar objective rankings on the quality of our tertiary institutions. It’s another fabulous initiative from the Rudd Government, which is better at producing data-filled reports than any government ever, even though it isn’t so great at acting on them when they warn that an insulation scheme will lead to electrocutions.

Nevertheless, the Government believes in delivering unbiased information to the public so that we can make informed decisions about issues that are important to all of us. So surely the Government should launch another website to provide objective information that can be used to make another vital choice – who to vote for.

Just think of the wealth of information that My Pollie could track! Statistics that have never been collated in one place before, like:

• The number of overseas trips they’ve made at taxpayer expense (check out this great site, although I notice it isn’t authorised by the Liberal Party)

• The number of improper meetings their relatives have held in their office

• The number of strange sartorial decisions they’ve made while conducting publicity stunts

• The number of times they have sex during Lent (a related statistic – the number of times they’ve seriously overshared)

• The number of people who have dangerously fallen asleep at the wheel of a motor vehicle while listening to them deliver a budget speech

• The number of times they’ve been filmed wearing a frilly pink tutu

• The number of Aborigines they’ve been convicted of beating with a length of steel cable – while they were being held down

• The number of times they’ve said the words “detailed programmatic specificity” (note – more than 0 is unacceptable)

• The number of totally lame socialist youth organisations they ran during their younger days

• The extraordinarily large number of siblings they have

• The number of times they’ve had to defend the crackpot they foolishly appointed Finance Spokesperson

• The number of people who have experienced instant, severe nausea while viewing this image

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