Looking at the list of Gold Logie nominees for 2006, it becomes clear Australia’s galaxy of stars has never contained so many dim bulbs. And the network once known as the “home of the stars”, Nine, has only two of the eight – well, three if you factor in the size of Bert’s head. So, as the Herald noted today, television’s night of nights will increasingly be a question of which Seven and Ten stars will clean up on Nine’s primetime airwaves.
Here’s a form guide to the eight lacklustre candidates add your predictions below.
This is Ada’s third crack at the Gold Logie, and the Gold Logie’s new SMS voting format could help her snatch the prize on this occasion. She won Dancing With The Stars last year, and also won the uncoveted title of ‘Champion of Champions’, so she clearly excels at superficial text-message-based popularity contests. 3 to 1
How inexplicably popular is this woman, exactly? And how little does she have to do before getting nominated for the Gold Logie? She’s hardly appeared on any show in the past 12 months – except for all those infuriating profile pieces on Today Tonight alongside her pet ferrett, Lleyton. But I’ve been betting against Bec succeeding ever since she limped onto our screens all those years ago, and then launched an ill-judged pop career, and still she seems to triumph. 4 to 1
His tenth successive nomination, and surely his last given Blue Heelers’ axing. “Woody” is the sentimental favourite. But then again, he’s been the sentimental favourite for the past decade and it hasn’t helped him in the slightest. Buckley’s. 20 to 1
The other sentimental favourite. Not because he’s a legend – the guy’s already won four Gold Logies for that – but because he’s sure to get the sympathy vote. Just as we feel sorry for old dogs who are cruelly chained up by abusive owners, our hearts will go out to an old showman cruelly forced to host Family Feud. Many people have wondered how on earth he got the nomination after presiding over that disaster – but when you think about it, surely it counts in Bert’s favour that absolutely no-one watched the show. 9 to 1
The candidate who should be most grateful that Nine’s blown the list out to eight in a tacky effort to maximise SMS revenue. She was infuriating as a small girl, and age has only made her less endearing. As the TV Week blurb reminds us, Australia’s own Olsen twin, the Guinness recordholder for the longest time playing the one role, has “grown up on our screens”. A statement that would ring particularly true for those who’ve watched some of her video work that hasn’t gone to air on national television. 10 to 1
McLeod’s Daughters is so boring I can’t even be bothered bagging it out. What else… well, her name sounds a bit like “Bec Cartwright”, which surely won’t endear her to anyone. Add that to the fact that she’s on the now-obscure Nine network, and you have a rank outsider. 16 to 1
Fairly talented and attractive – apparently she can actually sing, unlike most Neighbours alumni. But someone who portrays a vixen has no chance in an award traditionally the preserve of dull-but-wholesome stars like Georgie Parker and Lisa McCune. Odds go out to 10,000 to 1 if the SMS system requires voters to correctly spell her absurd surname. 15 to 1
He’s won the past three, so you’d think he’d be tough to beat. But his show dropped well back in the ratings late last year, and has had to be “reinvented”. And hasn’t, really. In fact, Rove Live would work much better without Rove as host. Will also be hampered by last year’s speech – a win everyone was predicting for Australia’s most popular comedian, and all he could do is quip that he wet himself. Still, he wasn’t all that funny on Rove, either, and everyone voted for that. As as lukewarm a favourite as a tepid Logies lineup can boast. 5 to 2.