Donald J Trump’s 10 Least Dishonest Campaign Slogans for 2024

Now that the former president and current Florida retiree has once again managed to escape consequences in the form of a Senate impeachment trial, he’s free to run again in 2024!

Trump’s original unoriginal slogan. Photo: Gage Skidmore under CC BY-SA 2.0 license.

So, what inspiring slogan will he use to win over fewer than 50% of American voters for the third election in a row? Here are a few possibilities:

* * *

Make America Great Again, Again—this slogan lets Trump give himself a Mulligan after stuffing up on his first four-year attempt, just like he does on the golf course. This revision has the advantage of being an original slogan, as opposed to the 2016 version which had previously been used by Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, Barry Goldwater and others.

* * *

Make Me Immune From Federal Prosecution Again — why would Trump bother running again when he’s 74 years old and enjoying a deluxe retirement in his Florida resort? Here’s a reason that those of his supporters who are in trouble with the FBI for storming the Capitol will be able to relate to.

* * *

Make Javanka Powerful Again — America may not miss the time when Jared Kushner was responsible for fixing everything, or even have noticed, given his near-universal lack of success—but it’s a safe bet that Jared does. A second Trump term would also enable Ivanka to go back to awkwardly hovering at the edge of conversations between world leaders, and whatever else she did for the last four years.

* * *

Because It Feels So Boring Without Me—this slogan would definitely fire up the base, although it should be acknowledged that Joe Biden won the last election because voters wanted him to make America dull again, a mission he seems to be accomplishing with considerable skill.

* * *

Bring Back The Rallies—basking in the attention of rabid crowds was always the thing Trump liked most about running for office. Plus, in a few years Biden will have fixed the pandemic, so Trump can hold rallies again without epidemiologists inconveniently labelling them ‘deadly superspreader events’.

* * *

Because When I Watch TV All Day, I Want To See Myself On Screen All Day Again—the last few months’ slide into irrelevance would be a tough adjustment for anyone, let along a narcissist.

* * *

Be Bester—Melania’s contribution.

* * *

So I Can Nationalise Twitter And Get My Account Back—it’s hard to know which he’d be missing more at this point, between being commander-in-chief or having a Twitter account. But it’s almost certainly Twitter.

* * *

Because In The White House There Is A Red Button That Summons A Butler With A Diet Coke And I Really Miss That Button — the most convincing reason of all.

* * *

Because Otherwise The Nagging Voice I Hear At 2am Each Night Which Bears An Eerie Resemblance To My Father’s Will Keep Telling Me I Failed — unfortunately, not even a second term will stop that, Mr President.

Originally posted at domknight.medium.com