Girls on film

I’d like to take this opportunity to offer a public caution to my many readers in the Brazilian supermodel community. Ladies, please - don’t have sex in public. Particularly in a place where there are lots of people watching you, some of whom might have video cameras. Like, I don’t know, say, the beach?

I’m still not entirely sure why Daniela Cicarelli and her trader boyfriend have tried so hard to suppress the video. All that she’s done is provide grist for the news mill in the ever-slow month of January. Even the most casual media observer knows that the media loves to report YouTube stories – to the extent that TIME even devoted its Person Of The Year to the topic. So whereas they might not have touched a story about a model and her boyfriend having sex on the beach and getting caught on film, an attempt to ban YouTube was always going to make headlines around the world.
And of course, it meant that millions of other websites sourced and replicated the video, thinking that there’s no smoke without fire. All her attempts to ban it have done is make it one of the biggest stories in the world.
And think of the publicity benefits for Cicarelli. She’s showed the world that she’s now pulled a guy with a better haircut than Ronaldo. I'd want to show that off if I were her.
Besides, Brazil’s supposed to be a sultry Latin country, isn’t it? The stereotypes say that people there have sex endlessly from dawn til dusk. I’d have thought a quick romp in the waves was about as innocuous as a handshake in the country that invented the Brazilian.
In an effort to stem the tide, Brazil Telecom has apparently blocked access to the whole of the YouTube site. Which must be giving Brazilians a welcome break from watching ‘hilarious’ videos at work. In fact, perhaps our ISPs should do it as well?
I watched it, in the interests of researching this post thoroughly, and I have to say that as far as embarrassing sex videos go, it’s very tame. Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton would trade videos in an instant.
Some sites have suggested that the real reason for the embarrassment is that the guy is seen stuffing seaweed down the front of his pants. Not the greatest look, but surely he can explain it away. Perhaps they have some kind of kinky sushi thing going on? Or perhaps after all that hot seaside lovin’, he needed to cool down in that general department with a soothing seaweed balm? And besides, he just got it on with a supermodel - on balance, he's still looking pretty good.
We live in a world of videophones now, and they’re increasing in quality. So if you’re famous, you can assume you’ll be photographed pretty much all of the time. Which is why Nicole Kidman’s going to lose her endless battle against the paparazzi, incidentally. She and Keith may as well take their holidays in the middle of Martin Place, for all the privacy she’s ever going to get.
So take the free publicity, Daniela, trade this boyfriend in for one who doesn't feel the need to shove marine life down his Speedos, and ride the dubious fame express all the way to becoming a B-movie star. House of Wax II is waiting.
Dominic Knight