Poor Lara Bingle. First someone steals her Aston Martin, and then the guy she used to shag, reportedly behind his wife’s back, turns out to be somewhat ungentlemanly. Imagine her surprise. And while you do, ask yourself when Brendan Fevola would have had the opportunity to take a photo of her in the shower, since I see from the previously-linked article that both denied having an affair at the time.
But this invasion of Bingle’s privacy must not stand. How is she supposed to maintain her career as a bikini model when people keep circulating photos of her semi-naked?
Fortunately, a white knight has ridden to her rescue – the legendary manager to the not-quite-stars, Max Markson. In a story that’s currently the top-ranked item on smh.com.au, presumably because readers hoped it would contain a link to the photo, he claims that Bingle’s decision to sue Fevola “strikes a blow for women’s rights”. Presumably that’s the right not to have nearly-naked photos of you taken by freeloading footballers instead of FHM and Ralph.
Bingle has, of course, previously posed topless for readers of German GQ, whose website melted down after Australian newspaper websites linked to it. Therefore, we can safely assume that anyone who desires to see any Binglean boobage has already done so. It should be an interesting defamation hearing.
The true source of Markson’s outrage, I presume, is that a photo of Lara Bingle’s breasts was printed in a magazine (Woman’s Day) without him getting his hefty percentage. But still, if he wants to make a women’s rights argument – and of course, they’re always best made by rich, powerful men, aren’t they? – here are a few other arguments he might care to use.
Lara smashes stereotypes: Forget being prim and ladylike – this is one feminist who’s not afraid to use a bit of blue language. Let’s not forget that Bingle first burst onto our screens asking “Where the bloody hell are you”, like any singlet-wearing Aussie bloke. It became an iconic statement, and was used extensively by Tourism Australia’s own managers when trying to figure out why Bingle’s ad hadn’t produced an uplift in visitors.
Lara advocates a woman’s right to work: Many young blonde women who hook up with successful sportswomen simply become homemakers. But not our Lara – she’s who’s one sister who is standing on her own two feet and ringing her own bells. As Markson’s own website says, “Lara is available for selected commercial opportunities, endorsements, ambassadorships, TV commercials, modeling & personal appearances.” Which came as a surprise to me – I didn’t realise the things she signed up for were “selected”
Lara opposes the objectification of women: Lara won’t stand for a bunch of sexist blokes handing around a topless photo of her for tawdry sexual gratification. Unless she’s been paid.
Mr Markson is welcome to use these additional arguments on Bingle’s behalf at no charge, as unfamiliar a concept as that may be to him. And I welcome his comments on matters of gender rights, as someone who has proven himself an equal opportunity employer. Aas his record shows, Markson doesn’t discriminate between male and female flash-in-the-pan internet celebrities when he’s offering them the unlikely promise of a career. Just ask Corey Worthington and Clare Werbeloff. If you can rememember who they are.
Note: I decided not to use a photo of Bingle to illustrate this article, on the basis we’ve already seen more than enough of her.