Take the Aussieness test

The Prime Minister’s making everyone take a citizenship test to see if they’re truly worthy to become part of this great nation. As yet, they haven’t released the questions, but here’s a sneak preview of the multiple-choice brainteasers that will be used to identify those worthy of our greatest honour. Have a go at the sample questions – would you qualify for Australia’s least exclusive club?

1) Warney is:

a) A bad husband

b) Texting me right now

c) Eating all the pies

d) A legend

2) VB stands for:

a) Victoria Beckham

b) Visual Basic

c) Victoria Bitter

d) Dunno, I just drink it

3) Australian films are:

a) Awful

b) Too quirky

c) Australia makes films?

d) The best in the world, not that I actually watch them

4) The first Prime Minister of Australia was

a) Bob Hawke

b) Sir Edmund Barton

c) John Howard, even back then

d) Bugger off, as if I’d know the answer to that

5) The world’s most popular sport is:

a) Soccer

b) Football

c) Wogball

d) Rugby League

6) One Nation is:

a) A political party

b) The reason I didn’t migrate to Australia earlier

c) A Keating Government policy

d) Dunno, sounds vaguely familiar

7) Mel Gibson is:

a) Australian

b) American

c) A racist

d) Mad Max, and no-one can take that away from him

8) Germaine Greer is:

a) A feminist academic

b) Surely not still alive

c) Nuts

d) Still not forgiven for those comments about Steve Irwin

9) Refugees are:

a) Welcome

b) People too

c) Useful for winning elections

d) Kept in Nauru

10) This questionnaire is:

a) A breeze

b) Unfair

c) A cynical distraction from Labor’s new leader

d) Too hard


The Australian citizenship-attaining answer (if not the correct one) is always d). Yes, that’s a bit silly, but not compared with this whole questionnaire idea in the first place. Please be aware that as per DIMIA policy, no correspondance will be entered into, no matter how justified your claim.

Dominic Knight

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